Words from the Heart

A couple of days ago I shared a very personal insight on facebook.
But I feel like it needed a more permanent place to remember that experience…

Here we go:

So yesterday night was interesting.
I went out to see the new Tarantino movie – I really liked it because *insert spoilers here*
But then when I went dancing looking my best – probably out for hunting – it hit me hard.
It felt like going back to my twenties – dressing up, dancing, seeing friends but somehow it just felt… seriously not worth all the effort. So I lied down and watched the moon.
And thought… so society has several models for us right – I went through one of those: wild years, love, settling down, work, kids… and then what happens to a lot of people… break up and being a single mum… but what are society’s models from here on?
Dedicating your whole being to be a single mum? Focusing on work? Building a new family- patchwork style?
Actually there are no satisfying answers to this question. I can not for the world picture myself living with a man anymore (the future might prove me wrong), I don’t care for affairs (now I have finally understood I am sexy and pretty and fun to be around or not). 
But then it dawned on me… I can be whatever I want to be – I have fulfilled the standard roles, I am going to raise my kids, yes with help of their dad and mainly friends…
But for me… I will be whatever I want to be and do my best at being my weird self. Sometimes mesmerizing, sometimes annoyingly insecure, sometimes full of laughter and then again full of tears. Maybe more balanced again as I understand what I can give to the community and mainly myself.
But first of all full of love and appreciation for those who are just there next to me as we all figure out where we are heading.
Love to all of you!

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