As we stood there
facing the abyss
I felt your hand squeezing mine
I heard your voice like a faint whisper but clearly
in the emptiness between time and time
That’s it – are you ready?
My hand squeezed back and I heard my own voice that time
You nodded and pointed into the darkness at my feet
I am scared
So am I
Will I see you ?
Will I recognize you ?
From time to time
That’s not enough
It has to be
That’s not enough
It will be, you’ll see
And as you whispered those words
your hand reached out
and buried itself deep in my chest
The pain – it pierced me in agony and ecstasy
In your hand pulsed a small light
Its beauty illuminated your face between then and now
Is it mine ?
Suddenly you throw it into the abyss
Shocked I try to catch it and jump into life
Can you hear my voice?
It’s nothing but a whisper
But you have no choice
you’ll hear it anyway
Across the sea until it’ll reach your shore
Listen to what I say
Each day I love you more
May your heart be free
may your spirit soar
may you always see
that you’re destined to grow
Because you’re beautiful and dazzling and so immensely strong
and I want to see you fly up there – ’cause that’s where you belong
And I hear you whispering my name:
You and me – we are the same
As the night falls over Essen
ten complete strangers cuddle up next to each other
Waiting for a bus that never seems to arrive
Telling each other strange and sweet stories
About ten very different lives
Watching out for each other
Making sure that no one gets left behind
Almost thinking we have been forgotten
We consider hi-jacking a drive
Work and cousins -lovers, mothers
Are waiting for us to arrive
After hours in the coldness in our social micro bubble we thrive
That finally bursts with tears and laughter
As our coach‘s lights approach the station
And we return again to ten very different lives
I can hardly catch my breath,
my fears keep hugging me so tight.
They caress me less than tenderly.
I wonder will I last another night?
And yes, I do count my blessings.
And I eat kale as if it is all I need.
You say there must be something wrong with me,
while all I do is bleed
I bleed my soul until I’m drenched in it
My soul keeps dripping down my heart
One day this all will be a memory
I guess that even this is just a part
Of what is beautiful and glorious
Yes, I do my daily yoga
And sometimes even kinesiology
But still some nights my fear will come for me
No matter how hard I have worked previously
Of course I took proper medicine,
until it made me feel the schizophreny
of feeling my demons haunting me
even though they remained unseen.
But guess what, I will never give up
my fight for freedom will go on
this time I shout out with all my might.
So that you’ll know
You are not alone!
by Elisa Maria Wagner, 6th of February 2017